Retro Review: Predator for NES

Seems I'm stuck in the 80's this week...
Another game I had for the NES was Activision's Predator, the first game I ever had based on a movie and well we all know now how well those turns out...
The game put Dutch in a pair of pink pants and had him run thru 30 stages of platforms...sounds fun no? To break the redundancy up a bit each stage has two modes! Side scrolling platformer (Jungle Mode) and a side scrolling zone versus waves of floating orbs and a Predator (Big Mode).
That's it....
No jungle slip n slide of a cliff
No giant vagina jokes
No cigar
No booby traps
No sneaking
No getting to the choppah
I bought this game slid it into the NES and I was transported to a world of hurt

3/10

Movie Review: Aliens VS Predator Requiem

GET TO THE CHOPPAH!!!!!

Those four words immortalized by Dutch in the original Predator movie back in 1987...yup it's been 20 years since humanity has been dealing with those ugly mother f'ers! And we haven't learned a dam thing....at least Hollywood hasn't. AVP-R begins right where AVP ended, aboard the Predator ship leaving Earth. The corpse of the fallen Predator bursts open to the promise of new life of the "Predalien". Some how that little shit gets loose and grows big enough to kill the entire Predator crew before they leave the Earths atmosphere. Back on the Predators home world a distress signal is received and a sole Predator hops in his trusty galaxy 5 star ship and takes the HOV lane to Earth.

That's pretty much where the creativity and originality ends.

Welcome to Racoon City.......oops I mean Colorado.

This cozy mountain town is in for a rude awakening when Aliens, a Predator with magic blue elixir and some freaky hybrid of the two square off.

Lets just tally up the scorecard...

Homeless guys = dead

Homeless lady = dead

Homeless German Shepard = dead

Park Ranger = dead

Father and son on a hunting trip = dead

Creepy chef = dead

Waitress = dead

A whole Platoon of armed Nation Guard = dead

Evil Jock + Concubine = dead

Power Plant Guy = dead

2 Pot heads tokin up in a gun shop = dead

Husband of Ellen Ripley's great great great great grand mother =dead

Pregnant Lady= dead

Nurse = Dead

Here's what ya need to know in case this shit happens to your town...

1) Find a guy who's named after a state capital

2) Find a woman who knows how to shoot a high powered rifle and drive an armored vehicle

3) Stick with them ^

4) Avoid the evil jock and his cronies

5) Don't forget to get a spare car key from the dealer!

6) Don't EVER, NEVER EVER go swimming with hot chick in class after school is closed.

7) If your little daughter says there's monsters outside...GET THE F*CK OUTTA HOUSE!!!

8) Wear your uniform!

9) Do NOT go to the rendezvous point.

10) GET TO THA CHOPPAH!!!!!!!

If you are a die hard fan of either franchise this IS NOT a distress signal it's a WARNING!!!

All this movie has going for it is.....some OK fights between a vengeful Predator, a lot of aliens and a Predalien that will do some awful awful things to women who are preggers! Oh yeah we get to see Dallas before he gets everyone dead on the Nostromo, a clone of Newt, and the best impersonation of Ellen Ripley I've ever seen!

D

AVP-R Preview

Aliens Vs Predator was ok but there were some scenes that made you go huh?

Aliens Vs Predator Requiem actually picks up right where the first ended aboard the Predators ship.

It looks promising but I'm going in with zero expectations.

Enjoy the first five mins of AVP-R thanks to JoBlo.com!