Thursday, June 20, 2013

Survival Guide for the PS4 Launch Day.

7 yeas ago, November 11th 2006 to be precise  America lost it's collective minds when retail outlets opened their doors to the public. A public that had it's sights set on grabbing a coveted PlayStation 3!
We showed the rest rest of the world just how ugly we can get to be the first!

  • In Boston a man was shot while waiting on line
  • In Indiana the crowd out side of Circuit City tried to force their way in before the police were called
  • In Wisconsin a stampede of shoppers battled over the stores 10 available units and one man left with a concussion!
  • In New Hampshire thieves stole 3 PS3's before they opened their doors (inside job duh)
  • In Washington a teenager was held at gunpoint after getting his PS3! He waited in line for a day and a half!
  • In Northern California Gunmen stole several PS3's the day before launch at a mom n pop store
  • In Fresno California Police were called to the local Best Buy to stop a riot started by a middle aged man name fat jerry


So have we learned from our past, or are we doomed to repeat history? Me? I prefer to err on the side of caution! So lets prepare for the second coming of the console apocalypse! Here are some survival tips to help you the gamer's!
The law of the wild states, only the strong survive...I think the law needs to be amended...strength is great and it will come in handy but the most important muscle to help you survive launch day is your brain!

First, one must understand the basic rules of Capitalism....Supply and Demand! Demand will skyrocket when supply is low and vice versa. (Think Cabbage Patch Kids from the 80's).
So be prepared for the inevitable announcement that there will be a limited amount of systems available at launch...I already got an email from Game Stop "Pre Order NOW! Limited Supply Available". The excuse will be the same as always...the chip manufacturer is having "issues" in their production or shortage of parts etc.
So just pre-order it and save yourself the stress later.

Preparations for campers:

  • Plan out a schedule with friends...there's nothing worse than getting arrested for urinating in public while camping in front of Best Buy for your PS4. I find a four man fire team works best....it's not recommended you store front camp solo. Don't leave your wallet/valuables in the tent!
  • purchase 2 bricks from Home Depot (more on that later)
  • Don't carry cash!!!
  • Be sure to park the car as close to the front doors as possible
  • Assign one friend as "the driver"
  • Have the remainder of your fire team enter the store with you
  • Once your fire team is in, head directly to the package! Avoid all attempted distractions...if some crazy bitch gets loud, give the signal to engage then proceed forward...GET TO DA CONSOLE!
Preparations for the "Single Player"
  • Avoid going alone at all cost! There's a reason why Zebra and Gazelle travel in herds. And why big cats don't often target healthy adult males...
  • If you must go solo be sure to get those 2 bricks previously mentioned
  • Place one brick in coat
  • After paying for PS4, remove PS4 console from box, replace with brick (try to get it in there so it doesn't shift...
  • When you get held up, hand over Best Buy bag with PS4 box to perp, as perp runs away remove brick #2 from coat, aim, get lock on and throw brick at perps head. If you score a head shot retrieve console box, remove brick from box and drop on perps nuts. Remove PS4 console from DSW Warehouse bag and put in PS4 box and be on your way! 
The Bricked Console Strategy courtesy of Ghostboy71

If you have a Launch Day Strategy please share with us!